'Hope Yours Was, Too

I had a great Christmas. Actually, since I've been celebrating since Saturday, I feel like the whole weekend and today have been just one, long day. Our tradition is to open gifts Christmas morning and my son actually let us all sleep until 8 a.m. this morning, which is a Christmas miracle in itself! One of my gifts was the coveted robins' nest egg blue, small box tied with a white ribbon, which made my holiday! We assembled a gingerbread house later and decorated it, and also ate the requisite Christmas ham for dinner. All is well.

I don't need to go to work until Wednesday. It will likely be awful trying to catch up between the snow days and the holidays, but I'm not complaining.

To Finish the Story...

...the biopsy was negative but I have a pre-cancerous condition that the surgeon and I will explore treating with medication. I am thankful, despite the horrific nature of the investigation, for techniques of early detection and for not listening to them when they said (after 2 years) "Let's watch it for another year."

I'm Back

Whew!

Finally able to get onto Blogger again -- I have been very frustrated with my inability to log in!

Of course, now that I'm on, I have nothing whatsoever to say.

Figures.

This is My Brain on NaNoWriMo

Any questions?

(Boy, that Debbie Ridpath Ohi -- she gets me!)

Out of Nowhere

So, I'm driving home from Denver yesterday and I'm listening to some nice music that was sort of sad and thinking about things and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I notice that it's the 2 year anniversary of when my mother went into the hospital. She was in intensive care for about six days and then she died. When I got the phone call, 2 years ago yesterday, I made the stupid decision I'll always regret not to fly out until the weekend because I was just a few weeks into a new job and I was worried about taking the time off. As a result, I never got to see my mother conscious before she died.

I was thinking about all of that and also re-living the moments before her death when she was given the last rites, and remembering made my chest hurt and then I started to cry. Not the little I feel sad so tears leak kind of crying, but the kind where you make noise and you can't help it.

It was pretty amazing to me that I could be driving along one moment and then succumb to complete mental and emotional anguish. I thought, wow, I'm walking around everyday with feelings like this just below the surface?

Basically, I couldn't stop crying for the next 4 hours or so. That was not a fun Friday night. I woke up this morning with big, swollen eyes and a feeling not unlike sore muscles in the area of my heart, which still has not gone away. Yep, feeling pretty crappy.

No desire to write. At all. Or do homework, either. So what else is new?

So, yeah. Grief, as I've said many times before, sucks.

Homework Blues

Homework and NaNoWriMo just don't mix.

If you think I'm behind in my wordcount, you should see my homework. Especially that darn math that just keeps piling up.

Sometimes I'm so stressed about it that I'm paralyzed and don't do either. Smart, huh?

At Last At First

I finally started my novel and got in a whopping 843 words!

I'm so happy.

Not sure what was going on. I think I needed the Kickoff to officially happen (it was so much fun) first. I wrote an outline at the Write In portion of the Kickoff and then deviated from it completely this morning.

I just woke up and suddenly I knew what I was going to write and how.

All Hail

To all those parents (mostly fathers...) who stood out on the cold streets of Colorado, with coat collars zipped up around their chins, hunching so their noses would be covered, gloved hands in pockets, watching their children run with wild abandon on darks streets in 17 degree temperatures: I salute you!

And I was standing next to you!

Another Halloween under the belt!

Blizzard 2006

I thought this curly little "wave" of snow was a good indication of that wind we heard howling all day yesterday!

Post Blizzard

I tried to go to work today, I really did. It took me 15 minutes to drive around the block, slipping all the way despite the good tires and traction control. The street was a sheet of ice. A cookie sheet, with high walls. About 3 inches thick. All ice.

So I came home, called in, and started on homework. It took about 4 hours, interrupted, and came out 18 pages long. That was one assignment for one class. It is a very tough class.

Then in the late afternoon I got cabin fever, so hubby and I went to run a few errands. (Son was playing at a friend's house, learning to snowboard on the kid's front lawn, it turns out.) It was nice to get out of the house, but we passed by many cars still in ditches and some new accidents involving cars without the good tires hitting an ice slick. We also drove over many high spots where, thankfully, the warm sun today had melted the snow enough for us to get over them. Who knows what would happen if we drove over those same spots now that the sun's gone down and the temperature's dropped.

I'm very glad I didn't go to work this morning.

We Had to Call It

Well, we were almost as stubborn as those Cardinals fans in the rain. We finally postponed the Kickoff party at 2:30 this afternoon.

Highways and major roads are closed, and the coffee shop's not answering their phone so I think they're closed as well. At any rate, there's ice under the snow and it's not a fit day to be doing any driving even in daylight!

I'm very bummed out.

Blizzard, Smizzard

Bleh, a blizzard is threatening our Kickoff Party scheduled for tomorrow. I'm still planning to go but of course if there's 6-12 inches of snow that may put a damper on anyone else showing up!

PJ Day

I don't know about this wearing your pajamas to school thing.

Today, as part of Dare to Say No To Drugs week, my son went happily off to school in his pajamas.

When I was dropping him off I saw the principal walking in the door dressed in his pajamas and a bathrobe. The sight will likely haunt me for many days.

Why would wearing your PJs out in public be considered a treat?

Heck, I have nightmares about doing that very thing!

Blood, Sweat and Tears

Yesterday I did algebra until my eyes bled.

Now that the software's working, I figure I'm going to have to do 1-2 assignments/night for the next full week to keep from flunking out.

Today I'm going to a writing seminar in Denver with a friend from NaNoWriMo. Fun. Speaking of NaNoWriMo, today's the first day to sign up for the 2006 event!

And Now for Something Political

President Bush threatened immediately after 9/11 to blow Pakistan up if they didn't help us? And this is supposed to surprise or even upset me?

Get real.

Monday, Monday

My son got home from his cub scout camping trip and his cough was much worse. Could it have been that 20 degree night air in the mountains?

This morning he looked awful so I took his temperature. It was normal. So I was literally walking out the door to take him to before-school care and he coughed and started wheezing so I said, "Grab your DS and get a book. You're going to work with me." I've never done that before. Luckily, there's an empty cube next to me since Mr. Recruiter took a hike so he just hung out there while I got through giving the new Sr. Director of Marketing his orientation. Then I got son into a 10 a.m. appt. and the dr. said, "Has he ever had asthma before?"

Two pharmacies, three Rx's, and a quick lesson in administering Albueterol later, I was home with him and quite exhausted. We ate lunch, watched a science channel documentary on volcanoes, and then the beagle lay on my stomach and lulled me into a power nap.

Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my day.

Oh, and in between pharmacies , the dry cleaner and the gas station (well, I was out...) I went by the gym and weighed in. I lost 5+ lbs. this week!

Happy Blogday

Hey, I just realized this blog is a year old this month. I know I'm terrible at blogging, but I just can't seem to give it up. This was supposed to be my public, NaNoWriMo, writing blog when I started it last year. I'm not quite sure what, if anything, it has morphed into.

I also have a blog that's not public here on Blogger so I can gripe openly about everything and name names. Actually, it's just one I started to fulfill the journaling requirement for my Advanced Creative Writing class this semester.

I still have my old LiveJournal, I think -- haven't been over there for a while. (Note to self: post on LJ so they don't delete it.)

And then I have a blog on ebay because they were having a contest for people to start blogs and I wanted to win some money. But I didn't. But I kept it anyway.

So, yeah. I'm all over the place.

I Hate Math

No, that's not true anymore.

My lifelong case of math anxiety seems to be going into remission these last couple of weeks, as I work my way through my Intermediate Algebra class (on the road to that elusive, transferable College Algebra.)

But, I do hate my math class. Not the teacher, she's nice, if a ditzy. No, it's really the format of the class I hate, and the fact that they cannot get their computer shit together. It is making me crazy.

I wasted half an hour waiting for pages to load today -- and I have a really quick Internet connection, even on my laptop when it's on the home network! It's not me. It's the server.

And, I don't have half an hour to waste.

I mean, no one does, do they?

It's FALL!

I've been waking up a little cold because the temperature drops overnight. I think fall is coming, which feels early but then again summer came very early this year, too. Autumn is my favorite time of the year, probably because I was born during this season.

Speaking of birthdays, yesterday when I was at my Saturday class at PPCC we had to introduce ourselves to our fellow students and say something about ourselves. The girl next to me says, "I'm going to be 21 next month." Do you know what I said to her? I said, "I'm going to be twice your age next month!"

As if a class every Saturday morning from now until December 13 wasn't bad enough, it's Math.

AND I'm twice the age (at least) of my classmates.

The agony.

Oxygen-less

I have a mean summer cold right now -- caught in St. Louis when I was visiting my IL's. I had to stay home in bed today which is a real bummer, but I can't really breathe and talking takes real effort. It's been busy at work, and I have a lot to do after being away for a week. Yesterday when I got to work, there was a stack of papers on my desk with a Post-It note on top of it. Written on the Post-It in bright red pen were the words, "Laurie, HELP!!!" Still, I was hacking and everyone told me how awful I looked so staying home today was a no-brainer.

I had so much fun in Indiana, the land of oxygen. It's such a pretty state -- no one ever talks about that, do they? It's green, with rolling grassy hills and cornfields as far as the eye can see. I love my college campus -- it's so very peaceful. I finished up meeting with my advisor and teachers, making a plan for the next two semesters, and I only had to buy one book! That was a real bonus.

I swear I was high on air when I was in Indiana. I had some free time so I shopped and found some great stuff that I love. St. Louis was nice, seeing family and all, but I was very glad to be coming home after the 6th day. AA lost my suitcase and delivered it yesterday; I haven't felt up to checking it but when I do there had better not be anything missing!

Of course, as soon as I was back here, my lungs shriveled to their usual low capacity in this high altitude, low oxygen mode. I swear I'm more stupid in Colorado, and it's all about the thin air!

Then, yesterday after work I had to go, sick and feverish as I was, to the local college and stand in many long lines on the first day of their classes so that I could see one of the Math teachers and beg to be bumped up into the next class. It was a big success: I had to take another test and I was so close to the passing grade (missed it by one) that he waived the pre-requisite for me anyway. So that means I only have to take 2 instead of 3 math classes to transfer to my IN college -- very good news. That I hate math with a passion goes without saying, doesn't it?

All of this points undeniably to the fact that summer's gone and fall, with its new semester and all, is here, but I am still in denial.

School blues

Summers around here are so short.

Tomorrow my little guy is back to school (*sob*) and will be in 4th grade. His school has no superintendent, a new first year principal, and no assistant principal. The new principal was bragging that they're only 100 students over the school's capacity this year!

I had to piss and moan at the new principal because my son got placed with The Mean Teacher. I've never asked for any favors and have put up with a lot at the school, but this was something I wasn't willing to let slide. So, tomorrow he's starting off in a different teacher's class and I'm starting off on the wrong foot with the administration; oh well.

I'm very grumpy about my son's school, can you tell?

"I have no idea"

That's what I'll be saying Saturday when we go to Antiques Roadshow in SLC and the appraiser asks, "Do you have any idea of the value of this item?" Being at ARS: one more thing to cross off of my list of Things to Do Before I Die! We're also celebrating our anniversary and it's always nice to go away for the weekend. I've already been to SLC a couple of times so no need to sight see, and it's supposed to be real hot there, too, so we'll probably be poolside when we're not at ARS.

Tomorrow I only have to work a half day as we're having the company picnic at noon and then get the rest of the day off, how cool is that? In other work news, I've just been made managing editor of the company newsletter, how fun is that? Cool. And, fun.

Almost Summer

I've found several great new local writing blogs and that has inspired me to visit my own, again. I'm pretty proud of my newsletter in progress, a project for one of my journalism classes, where I write about the local writing scene. Issue one will probably come out this weekend and as soon as it's graded I'll probably post it here. How's that for a tease?

So, this past week at work we put on a real live test of a summer curriculum, aka Vacation Bible School. It was awesome: 50 kids aged 5 to 11 for three and a half hours a day. I was in charge of onsite registration and as such got to come to work in a T shirt and shorts and sit out in the sun watching the parents and kids come and go twice a day. My own son was there, and he had a blast. Or, I should say, a bash. (A splash?) I got to leave early three of the five days to go home with him, which helped with my ever-present late-homework panic. (I turned in two assignments this week!)

The little guy started swimming lessons Monday. I'm going to start calling him Michael Phelps, truly. I only wish his genes were in his favor to have Phelps' long lanky build so that he could be a Olympian, too. Alright, he's my kid, but I can't believe what a natural he is in the water. We've have a super hot couple of weeks and the outdoor pool's open, too, so summer's definitely upon us!

Tonight we got home from a shopping trip in Denver and found our built in ice maker on the blink -- the freezer was making growling noises. It took my husband about 10 minutes to get the entire freezer section taken apart, and then another hour and a half after that to put it back together amid much colorful language and what I could swear was hyperventilating. I just hope it's fixed, as earlier today he worked on the printer which is shot. (Damn Epsons.)

Thing is, I came home tonight with some ice of my own, in the form of a more than a carat upgrade to my wedding ring! Yeah, I'm spoiled. It was my 15th wedding anniversary gift from dear hubby, and what a bummer that he's spent the rest of the evening with his head in the freezer.

Tomorrow we're going to the Zoo and, since I haven't been there in about 2 years, I'm really looking forward to it!

I Wonder

The second May without my mother. I wonder how many years will have to pass before I can enjoy Mother's Day again? The thought of Father's Day is almost bearable, so I guess that means about six.

There's an Alzheimer's medication commercial running lately, evenings during the national news. It shows a woman hanging out with her older father, giving him concerned looks, walking slowly beside him. It feels like a punch in the stomach everytime I see it.

Yesterday, inexplicably, I was remembering my mother's voice, her laugh, things she did like the funny way she rubbed her eyelashes -- things from earlier days when she was healthy, chubbier...younger.

Things I Hate

• When my 8-going-on-9-year-old has been off school since Wednesday but doesn't realize until noon on Sunday that his book report/project is due tomorrow and then I have to make one of those parenting decisions like, do we skip the celebratory BBQ to stay home and finish it, or go and then spend the evening in a panic to get it done?
• Receiving something by mail that wasn't as described, and then having the seller say, not in so many words, "Tough."
• Wasting so much time trying to adjust the tension on your piece-of-junk sewing apparatus that you could've sewn the whole stupid project by hand by the time you gave up
• Having my son describe the new emergency drills at school, which consist of finding places in the classroom to hide from the shooters

If I felt comfortable discussing my job, this would be a much longer list!

Ah, Spring

Today's tulips.

Rock of the '80's

I'm taking a break from painting the master bathroom. Why is it that painting always takes so much longer than you think it will? In this case, the bathroom is so small and has so much tile you'd think it would be a half an hour job, one hour tops. Alas...not so. Our highly textured walls require at least three coats of paint -- they suck the stuff up almost as much as that horrible acoustic ceiling we had in our last house.

That's why I've just returned from a trip to Home Depot for more paint. The gal in the paint department took one look at me and knew what I wanted. It was then that I realized I'd left the house in my painting clothes.

Painting clothes around my house consist of whatever T-shirt and pants you're sick of so that you can wipe your paint-smeared hands freely on them. We wear them while painting, no matter how many days this requires, and then we throw them out. So, yeah, I was a sight alright, but who cares?

Anyway, we like to turn on the local radio station when we paint or do other home projects as they play their '80's music on the weekends and I just really enjoy that blast from the past. I don't know why people are always complaining about '80's music and saying it was a rotten era. I absolutely love it -- most of it, anyway.

My husband was upset that they didn't play any Judas Priest while we were listening. It was just a matter of time, honey.

Pizza's in the oven and I'll have to finish the painting by myself tomorrow, as hubby has to work. Not looking forward to that, but I want it done! I still need a wall cabinet and some curtains, and also need to hang some pictures. I have a lot to choose from, just having trouble committing.

I'm two weeks behind on homework (that's really just 2 assignments...) but I"ve been cursed with two teachers who don't care if I stick to a schedule. That is, as evidenced by last semester, a problem for me; they say, "Work at your own pace" and I hear, "Go ahead and go shopping, homework can wait."

Bad Blogger!

I'm a terrible blogger, with nothing to say that's fit to print.

It's been heavenly weather, lots of sun. Bulbs are popping up, purple and yellow; babies are popping out -- seems like everyone's due date was the same; and, I'm still under the weather from a lingering case of sinusitis.

Lots going on at work, none of which I can write about, sworn to secrecy and all that. At least I'm busy and still enjoy the work -- and that's about all I can say that's positive!

School's started again, new semester, three new classes, lots of challenge. I submitted a piece to my college journal for consideration. It's that poem I wrote, and it couldn't be more timely, as the subject, a dear friend, is going through a lot. No one could be more deserving of a tribute than she right now.

My son has just a scant six weeks of school left, then it's summer, he's another year older, and life is passing us by. He's ferverently wishing for us to adopt him a kid brother. I think that ship has sailed but I'm not sure.

Wash Day Blues

We're back from our trip to the Grand Canyon and I'm doing laundry. Later I'll have to go grocery shopping so, yeah, I've got the blues.

We chose a great time to be away from Colorado; it was cold here but warm in Sedona, where we spent the largest chunk of our time...except for our first day there, when they had a rare blizzard. I sat in the spa of our resort in a terrycloth robe, sipping tea and watching a swirling tornado of snowflakes outside the window.

On our way to Arizona we drove down to Carlsbad Caverns, fulfilling my husband's longtime desire. We walked down the natural entrance and spent the next four hours deep underground. It was fascinating. Husband noted that when he visited at our son's age the official explanation for the cavern was an underground river and now, 35 years later, they know it was carved by sulfuric acid. Also, the world is round, not flat as previously thought.

We stopped in Roswell, went to the UFO Museum and International Alien Research Center, and gawked. Spookily, on the way out of town we purchased a bag of M&Ms with peanuts which was found to contain a green, alien-head shaped candy:

As we headed back from CC we overnighted in Albuquerque in an absolutely lovely hotel called Nativo that I recommend to anyone and everyone who's heading that way. The lobby is filled with native art, and you can lounge on canopy-covered chaises or huge leather round chairs. Our suite had leather sofas and feather beds, and room service dinner was delivered on ornate iron trays.

The Grand Canyon was, as always, awe-inspiring. We were there 5-1/2 hours; did you know that the typical park stay is 40 minutes? The little guy was appropriately amazed at the canyon, and we all decided to come back and do the harrowing mule ride when he's tall enough (4 ft. 7 in.) We ran around in shorts, though there was still snow on the ground. We stayed for the sunset, which was VERY worthwhile.

I loved Sedona. We got so accustomed to gazing up at Cathedral Rock and the rest of the Red Rocks that it was actually painful to leave -- especially since we knew we'd be trading our shorts for thermals and a frosty Pikes Peak when we got back home.

We spent the night in Santa Fe on the return trip and, again, I almost cried when we had to leave Canyon Road. I did buy a beautiful original (small) from David Vigil. He was strumming his guitar as we entered the small plaza outside his shop, and charmed us with his story of building his studio with scrap wood (it was beautiful). His hair was dyed a most frightening color; it was the red-orange from your 54 Crayola box when you were a kid, but then that adds to the story, doesn't it?

Once again, I felt a strong desire to live in New Mexico. Our son forbids us to sell our current house -- don't all kids feel that way? -- but I'm dreaming of a winter home in NM. Time will tell.

Overall, I had no time for writing (I can't read or write in a moving vehicle, alas) so I didn't finish the stuff I wanted to submit to my college journal, but I did read much of Stephen King's On Writing. Once finished I will have the holy trilogy of writing under my belt, at last.

School starts Monday. Or Wednesday. For me, that is. Son still has a whole week of Break to go.

Gotta Love Winston

"The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning."

Farewell to February

It's wonderful to be on semester break! This past week I got more done around the house and online than I had in at least a month. I also got to spend time with a good friend -- unrushed, blissfully indulgent time! We got pedicures and then lamented not being able to show them off. Today, though, it was at least 70 degrees so I wore capris and sandals and the world saw my flashy pink, OPI Chicago toenails! Freedom!

I was astonished yesterday to receive a magazine in an envelope with a "Thank you for your submission, here's your free copy" letter in it. It turned out to be a recipe that I submitted to another magazine (long, long ago...) and I guess they shared. It had a little blurb in it that sounded like me, though, so it was legit. Nice.

I need to cut myself off from eBay this week. Too many temptations, though my own selling is going well.

I'm going to work on two projects that my writing teacher encouraged me to finish, and that will likely be the bulk of my writing this month unless something unforseeable happens.

Farewell, February. You were quite a month.

Blissful Break

I'm beginning to relax and enjoy not having homework hanging over my head. Today, I got my grade on the not-so-short story I wrote as my final. I was exceedingly pleased. Except, the teacher said she thought it was more like an excerpt from a longer piece (which was also permitted) and that was perplexing as it was supposed to be complete in itself. Hm.

I have a loooooong list of projects I've been putting off and am beginning to chip away at them, with glee.

Truce

If this is possible, there's hope for the Middle East, as well!

Semester Ended At Last!

I turned in my last two assignments last night! Now I have an entire month free!

I would be ecstatic if I wasn't so itchy! Apparently, after several days of relief, my allergy is back and making me miserable. It's Sunday but I've called the weekend clinic to ask for an Rx. If they haven't called back by the time I've finished breakfast, I'm just going to go get something over the counter.

My son's waited patiently for me to be done with school so he can challenge me at his latest favorite Gamecube game. I'll be spending the whole day with him doing stuff like that.

Be Careful What You Wish For

I awoke to sunshine and a blanket of snow. It looks so inviting, especially after a couple of days of sheer ice and damp chill, but looks can be deceiving. My trusty Weather Bug tells me it's -13 degrees, and that's without the windchill. So, we'll have to save those snow angels until it warms up, if it does.

The other day I was trying to find us a cabin in Breckenridge for a ski vacation next month. Try as I might, I just couldn't stay away from the links for Mexico and the Caribbean. There are some great deals which would cost about as much as the skiing, I told my husband over lunch the other day (Mexican food, hint, hint, honey). He was into it. So I'm seriously considering five nights in Cabo. Ahhhhh. It sounds so good right now!

I'm in the semester home stretch: two assignments due Monday. My goal is to get them sent off on Sunday afternoon. 'Better go get started.

A Bit of Advice

My advice for Cheney-haters is to stop trying to make something from nothing and write funny cartoons about the mishap instead. These days they seem to be far more effective.

I shouldn't watch the evening news -- especially not during a full moon!

Two Down, Three to Go

Interestingly, when I got up this morning and looked over what I'd written of that paper last night, it all made perfect sense. It was easy to re-arrange a couple of paragraphs and work with what seemed irreparable last night, and I finished it in a couple of hours. Then turned off the computer and forced my son and I out into the sunshine for an hour before we had to go get ready to put on the scout event.

After that four hour project, which was actually quite enjoyable and included cake, I came home, did the "works cited" page to finish the assignment, and sent it off. Whew.

Did a bit of housework and prep for the work week and now I'm going to try to get ahead start on the next assignment if I'm real lucky and don't fall asleep trying. May even get to say two words to my husband!

Oh, and my good deed for the day was to bid up a beautiful crazy quilt on eBay for a newbie who had it underpriced. I would've been happy to own it but was still relieved when I lost it by $4.

I Surrender

Okay, okay, I admit it. I can't write this paper to save my life. Can't concentrate. Don't care. I'm going to give up. I'm going to eat chocolate and watch a trashy movie on DVD, and try again tomorrow.

Damn full moon.

By the way, it amazes me that I don't hear more about Ariel Sharon's health, or, lack thereof. He's not going to make it, and I feel terrible whenever I think that he's been lying there in that hospital bed for so many weeks now, just because of who he is and what he does for a living. He's suffering from the same thing my mother did, and she was gone in just five days. But then, we didn't put her in a medically-induced coma. It's so very sad.

Slow Snow

It's been in the single digits overnight and early mornings here, and freezing to the 40's otherwise, but still not much snow.

Oddly enough, I find myself craving a large snowstorm. I can't wait until it really snows, for a few days in a row, and we get several feet piled up!

Homework as Therapy

I have finally decided upon a topic for my paper, one I can get passionate about: being underemployed, which is what we've been dealing with ever since our move. (Granted, I'm underemployed by choice, but my husband's situation is a real struggle.) I have a thesis and a few points to argue, so I think writing this paper will come easy and be cathartic -- what more could you ask?

By the way, I'm having a ball using the college library online. It's so convenient and fun to be a student in 2006, let me tell you, I'm almost glad I waited this long! And the stuff you can find when you search the academic databases! They'll write articles on anything -- it's like one gigantic New Yorker!

a bit better, but not much

Today I went to the doctor and got some drugs for my hand situation, which had gotten much, much worse. I'm 4 doses into the 6 scheduled for day 1, and it's already helped immensely, giving me the first relief I've had all week. We still don't know what was actually happening, but at this point I don't care. It's like I've been at war with my body and finally it's waving the white flag.

Would you believe I'm still crying over this scout thing? I think it's bringing up other feelings unrelated to the situation at hand. (No pun intended.)

I hadn't been able to stay awake long enough to do any writing the last few days, but the dr. also gave me some non-drowsy Zyrtec to replace the sleep-inducing Benadryl so maybe I can get started tonight!

It's getting ready to snow outside. (Great, just when I'm ready for Spring, Winter hits.)

**Mumble**Gripe**Grouse**(Repeat)

So, I've turned in two assignments this week and need to get started on a third, which is an essay/argument on anything we'd like to write about. That's just a little too broad a writing prompt for me. I also continue to be unsure of what my short story will be. Tick tick tick. (That's the sound of the clock ticking while I waffle.)

Additionally, the day I was off work sick a couple of weeks ago, I was volunteered for a newsletter article on something that is of no interest whatsoever to me. In fact, they want me to write about Mother's Day. Now, must I point out that this is not a particularly sensitive move on their part? ("Let's ask the woman who just LOST HER MOTHER to write about mothers! La la la...")

Yesterday I had to stop at Walgreens and buy some Benadryl as I'm having one heck of an allergic reaction to...something. I think it may be the herbal supplement I began taking a couple of weeks ago. I'm itching, getting rashes, and my hand are swelling up and burning. The Benadryl seems to help but it makes me very sleepy. Naturally I stopped taking the herbs about 12 hours ago so I'm wondering how long it will take to get it all out of my system, and also hoping that was, in fact, the problem. Tick tick tick. (That's the sound of the clock ticking while I wait to stop itching.)

I'm very disillusioned right now after having a negative experience while volunteering for my son's scout pack. There's this core of parents who run it, and they're always complaining that no one else wants to help. Well, I signed up to help (because, you know, I have all this extra time on my hands). But despite my efforts, they just went ahead and did what they wanted to do.

Maybe they're just used to having to do everything themselves. I realize it is easier to do things that way. You just get it done, don't have to communicate, and, best of all, do it your own way. But it really doesn't do much for the whole 'community effort' theory. And still they'll complain 'no one wants to help.' It was very off-putting, and I shed some tears over it yesterday...but I'm better now.

Weekend Update

Even though Coloradans officially didn't care who won the Superbowl, I was rooting for Seattle. Pittsburgh was the better team, though, so they did deserve to win. We didn't host our annual party but were lucky enough to score an invite to one with great food, drink, and really nice people who also didn't care much who won. A quite relaxing afternoon/evening.

Earlier in the day I'd been to church and then out shopping for my husband's Valentine's Day gift. He'd had a special request and I was finally able to secure the elusive item. (I'll leave you in suspense.) The son was along and I actually managed to get him to try on some clothes. He's having another growth spurt and most of the clothes I bought him in September are already too short, including some of his favorite outfits. The only thing harder than getting him to try on clothes is getting him to try on shoes, so this was quite an unexpected pleasure.

It was actually a banner weekend: we finished our taxes Friday and got back way more money than we expected to, almost obscenely so. I have very mixed feelings about it but I'm sure I'll get over it. I mean, come on, the only thing worse than taking money you don't feel you deserve is giving it to the government, right?

Then we went out with some friends to celebrate a 40th birthday, and splurged on a limousine so no one had to be the designated driver. It was notably easier to spend the money after the tax news, let me tell you. The love of money is not one of my hang ups, but I could really get used to that kind of comfort and convenience.

Saturday we relaxed and I actually managed to finish 1-1/2 homework assignments. This leaves 2-1/2 and a short story, with 11 days to go. (Can she do it?) Regarding my earlier assignments: the teacher liked my poems! I was thrilled. She liked my journal, too. If I don't blow this short story, I will likely ace the class. 'Pressure's on.

Pikes Peak Perks, Number Four

Things just move slowly out here. I think that one of the reasons folks greet you on the street and wave at you around your neighborhood is that we all just have more time to notice each other. Neighbors introduce themselves, lend and borrow, have cookouts, and just, in general, hang out. People don't work the crazy long hours like on the coasts, and a half hour commute is considered a burden.

Don't get me started about the pace of the workplace.

Before we moved here we took a second honeymoon to Kauai. By the second or third day my body had so adjusted to the pace that I was having a lot of trouble moving more quickly than a steady shuffle. It felt great. When we got back to CA and drove home from the airport, I had culture shock in a big way. From then on, I was looking for a change of scenery to a place that would slow us down several notches. This is the place!

Ugh. And Ugh.

My husband didn't get the job he interviewed for. He is so disappointed and I just don't know how to make it better.

My cold came back, worse. I guess last week was just a preview.

Something good: I finished my journal of Writing Down the Bones. It was way too much fun to read and comment on that book. Maybe after it's graded I'll post some of my entries here.

I was busy during the President's speech tonight. What'd I miss?

Yikes!

I so want this!

On Paranoia

So, we went to the tax man on Friday and the news was oh, so good. I mean, we're not getting money back or anything, but we also don't owe big time. I was so relieved and happy to hear that news.

We were given a long list of backup paperwork to prepare and have a follow up appointment to finish up this Friday.

But now, given the similar ecstatic relief/subsequent later bad news of the completed short story assignment, I'm likely going to worry all week that we walk in and the tax preparer says this:

"Oh, remember how I said I'd need to run this stuff by a senior preparer to make sure it's correct? Well, it's not! You owe $17,000 in taxes!"

Or something.

On Speaking Too Soon

Aka Counting Chickens Before They're Hatched, Putting the Cart Before the Horse, etc.

So, I'm being compulsive and wrote a just-making-sure-we're-on-the-same-page email to my writing teacher to which she replies, "No, I didn't mean you were finished..."

It turns out I need to write ANOTHER short story for that large percentage of my grade in the class!

On the one hand, I'm so glad I checked!

On the other hand, my blood pressure is rising even as I type. I hardly have time to complete the journal and five assignments due in my other class by the end of the semester! Much less a whole, separate short story for a chunk of my grade (=must be wonderful!)

Finish Poems, Check!

I am just so happy to be finished with that poetry assignment. Now I'm finishing journaling the Goldberg book. I stayed home sick from work today. My head is so congested that I have lost hearing in one ear! Bizarre, huh? Otherwise, I feel okay, just tired.

I made my husband a nice breakfast while he took the little guy to work and stopped off for some bagels. They were still warm from the oven when he got them home. Then he ran a couple more errands for me, including dropping off my new thrift shop finds at the cleaners. Acts of service is his love language, how lucky am I?

In a little while we have an appointment with the tax man. This year I get to file two returns again: one for us, and one for my deceased mother. I'm looking forward to being finished with that but I continue to feel acute anxiety when dealing with any business related to my mother's death. (Which really sucks when you're the estate trustee, let me tell you.)

I just know the accountant is going to give me a list a mile long of things I need to bring him, and of course anything related to the IRS scares the sh*t out of me. (Aw, come on, tax liability is a frightening thing, you can't tell me I'm the only one who feels that way!)

Happy Friday, one and all.

P.R.O.C.R.A.S.T.I.N.A.T.I.N.G.

So, I just pre-ordered an old friend's book which is due out in April. Even though I am insanely jealous of his first-time-out publishing success, I'm quite happy for him, as he's a natural and talented in oh, so many ways.

It's supposed to be hilarious so I have no reservations recommending that you go buy it, too!

Help! My Family is Watching Alf!

I'm escaping from the dreaded Alf: The Second Season DVD set that my son insisted on buying for my husband for Christmas (don't ask.)

Today was among my worst work days in recent history. In an effort to relax I decided to go to a thrift store. I used to love going to second hand stores, and I hadn't done so in quite some time. I looked at clothes there, which I don't usually do, and found some pretty great stuff.

The best buy was an amazing long, wool cardigan. It's black with big silver buttons; the buttons alone are to die for.

I also found two new, never-worn shirts: one Coldwater Creek and another Evan Picone, both in my current favorite green shade!

And, I bought a penguin coffee cup (I collect penguins) in a gigantic size, just right for my one cup of coffee a day, and a silver mesh box to hold my hair paraphenalia in the master bathroom.

I managed to resist many more items, most notably a late model Brother sewing machine, which took some willpower.

All in all quite a successful diversion, especially since it calmed me down immensely.

Whew. I needed that.

Now off to struggle some more with that poetry assignment.

Poet's Block

I'm really struggling to write the two poems that are due Friday. It's not that I don't have the inspiration -- for one of them, I do. It's just that, now that I know what I'm supposed to be doing, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Mensch.

Pikes Peak Perks, Number Three

My son's school district has an average class size of 25 students. His school has an art and a music teacher, and he participates in a gifted and talented program. 100% of the kids at the high school he's due to attend took the ACT last year, with 58% going on to a 4 year college and another 29% to a 2 year. Though it's overcrowded, we recently voted money to build new schools, and two charter schools will open in the area in the Fall.

I'm not a Broncos fan

But, when you live here it's hard not to get caught up in the fever. It made for a pretty sad Sunday.

Other than that, it was a great weekend. It was another one of those 'home improvement' weekends, the ones that I spend doing things to make home life a little more convenient, or beautiful, or both. I usually end up feeling wistful that I'm not free to be the stay at home mom I was for so many years, so I can do stuff like this all the time instead of just on the weekends. And, of course, write. Hopefully, there'll be another chance for me to do that in the near future.

This is a big homework week. I have to finish one of the six lessons still due in class #2 and write some poetry for class #1. I am not a poet so this is going to be a challenge.

In fact the rest of the month will be heavy in the homework department. In case you haven't noticed I , er, don't have the greatest study skills. Heh.

Attention, Feds

If you'd like to listen in on my telephone conversations in the name of national security, by all means, go right ahead. I have nothing to hide, and if it will help make the country a safer place, I'm all for it.

She Likes Me! She Really, Really Likes Me!

I am just overjoyed to have received my short story back with a great grade and, the best part is, she doesn't need me to re-submit it! It's a major part of my grade for the class!

Gosh, it feels good to do something right.

Pikes Peak Perks, Number Two

Regular unleaded is currently $2.11/gallon.

Ambushed by a Book

There I was, minding my own business, reading Dave Barry Turns 40, laughing and relating to much of it, when he throws in this completely serious stuff about his aging mother. I was flabbergasted! Here's some advice for you if you're younger than me: no matter how good you are to her, when your mother dies, you are going to feel guilty. To those of us who had our moments, our selfish moments we'd like to be able to forget: sorry. You're not going to escape the guilt or regret, and you're going to have to learn how to live with it.

To Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn...

It was a banner day at work today. The new President unveiled his plan for the company's growth and all, and it was bold and sweeping to say the least. Can you say, complete reorganization and flattening of the hierarchy? It's a mouthful, and it's hard for many to swallow.

But not for me. I'm not scared of change.

The last couple of weeks have been grueling for my department, but not me so much, unless you count sympathy pains. Since I wasn't privy to the high level secret stuff, I just had to witness the others tearing their hair out. I'm glad the plan's finally out in the the open, and in motion.

The next few months will be whirlwind of activity at work.

Good news on my husband's job front, as well. He had his performance review, got a hulking raise, and has an interview for an interoffice transfer coming up, but not for a couple of weeks.

If he gets the new job, he won't be doing this shift work anymore. It'll be a regular 8-5, M-F job. He hasn't worked that schedule in more than 3 years. It will be a big change for us.

My son is really hoping for the new job for his dad. His schedule has become so much a part of our lives that I often forget that 3 or 4 days a week my son sees him for about half an hour. And I enjoy the nights of a lot less cooking when my husband's not home for dinner, but it has no upside for the little guy -- he just feels his absence.

I don't think I ever understood the pain divorce causes a child until witnessing the comfort and well-being my son derives from us being together, and whole, as a family.

Winding Down

I just sent off my second draft of the TCRB story and am nearing the end of the course and the first semester. I actually still have quite a bit of writing to do. For one thing, we're supposed to journal our way through the book, Writing Down the Bones. I've done about 1/3 of it so far. It's a book I've always avoided reading, partially because of reviews I've heard and partially because I have already read and loved other writing books, notably Bird by Bird. But I must say I'm enjoying the assignment -- it's my kind of homework, that's for sure.

We've planned a read-in for the 2005 NaNos in a couple of weeks and I'm planning to bring this story, rather than an excerpt from my 2005 NaNovel, to it. I really need some feedback on it, from fresh eyes.

Pikes Peak Perks, Number One

I thought it would be fun to blog weekly some of the things that I enjoy about living here. After all, my husband and I chose Colorado over the other 49 states when we decided to move, so obviously we felt there was much to recommend it.

Today I'd like to talk about the sunshine. Did you know there are on average 250 days of sunshine a year here? Today, for example, it was about 40 degrees, but if you were warm inside and just looked out of doors, you'd have guessed it was 75. Since I grew up on a fog-socked peninsula, I feel absolutely spoiled by all the full spectrum light.

The best days are the ones where the ground is covered with glittering snow but the sun is blaring and the sky is piercing blue. If and when clouds make an appearance, you can enjoy the spectacle of the Front Range as it transforms from slate gray to purple as it did so many years ago to inspire a certain composer, who dubbed it the mountain's 'majesty.'

Writing Balancing and Balancing Writing

I just completed a set of really great exercises to help me revise my short story, which is the heart of the novel TCRB I wrote a couple of years ago. It's really helped me to see what I need to clarify for my second draft.

I'm so in love with my little story, my character and his woes; I thought I'd gotten it out of my system a couple of years ago but apparently not. I wish I could stay home at the computer and have all the time I need to write it the way it should be written instead of going to work and writing memos that inspire no one, least of all me.

Remember those books you got when you were pregnant, like What to Expect the First Year? Now, there's a series that ended too soon. I need one for the ninth year, preferably gender-specific.

I commented to my husband the other day that our son has turned into a little boy. He's doing these behaviors that I was sort of looking for when he was around five, which, when they didn't materialize then, I thought we'd be skipping altogether. Not so.

For example, on New Year's Eve when we gave him the party gear (funny hat, noise maker, plastic lei), he stood up on his chair and started dancing around. He was singing a spontaneous rendition of the famous Spanish song about a cockroach, complete with hip and butt shaking. The other little kids joined in, all on top of their chairs. I just sat there all, Who are you, and what have you done with my son?

Before that, we had our fresh Christmas wreath delivered on a bent wire hanger. He picked up the discarded hanger and, for the next day and a half, used it as a hook hand.

And then there was this morning, when I walked into the family room to see that his cheeks were literally stuffed with Raisin Bran.

Me: "Let me guess: you're pretending you're a squirrel."
Son: (Nods)

Stuff like that.

Come to think of it, he's always been kind of a late bloomer.

Long Live the True King

I've seen The Chronicles of Narnia twice now. The first time I saw it a few days before Christmas I was real distracted and left thinking it was a good movie for kids but nothing especially notable. I often suffer from Excessive Movie Build Up Syndrome so that wasn't a big surprise.

The second time my husband wanted to see it and I basically went with so I could eat the popcorn. I was very surpised at how well I liked it that time around (though I may never be able to resolve my feelings about the creepy fawn guy...) And I really enjoyed the soundtrack.

I'm the only person I know who hasn't cried during it, though I did well up a bit during the crowning sequence the second time.

The Neverending Weirdness of Grief, con't

I'm having anxiety attacks over Ariel Sharon. He's had the same kind of stroke that killed my mother, and each time I hear an update on his condition I have flashbacks about my mother's brief time in the hospital.

Speaking of School

Speaking of school, I am still woefully behind on my homework -- but not worried yet.

I really like the flexibility of distance learning, and so far the teachers have been understanding when I need to delay a deadline.

I got some very helpful feedback from my teacher on my TCRB short story and have much to do to improve it, which I'm excited about doing. Best of all, though, she indicated she thought the story was "fun." (Yes, I'm that easy to please.)

One of the things she noticed was that I switched POV towards the end of the story, which she thought I'd done on purpose, but it was a mistake. I notice I do that from time to time, in this case going from first to third person. I generally pay a lot of attention to POV when I'm writing so it makes me wonder if it's an indication of subconsciously distancing myself from my MC. Like, my MC was showing his unsavory side, so I took a mental step away from him. Or something.

And a Happy New Year!

2006.

It just sounds like such a strange year, doesn't it? A friend was making a list of things to look forward to in the year 2006 and I couldn't think of one single item to contribute, how sad is that?

My son's still on Winter Break, so until he returns to school I won't feel the holidays are officially over. We had a very nice time off with him, and got together lots with friends, took him skiing and swimming, worked through achievements so he could advance to Bear in Cub Scouts, plus played a lot of games. I really like this stage of his life where he can play "older" board and card games, e.g., ones not featuring Winnie the Pooh characters. He's back to school on Monday.