I Wonder

The second May without my mother. I wonder how many years will have to pass before I can enjoy Mother's Day again? The thought of Father's Day is almost bearable, so I guess that means about six.

There's an Alzheimer's medication commercial running lately, evenings during the national news. It shows a woman hanging out with her older father, giving him concerned looks, walking slowly beside him. It feels like a punch in the stomach everytime I see it.

Yesterday, inexplicably, I was remembering my mother's voice, her laugh, things she did like the funny way she rubbed her eyelashes -- things from earlier days when she was healthy, chubbier...younger.

Things I Hate

• When my 8-going-on-9-year-old has been off school since Wednesday but doesn't realize until noon on Sunday that his book report/project is due tomorrow and then I have to make one of those parenting decisions like, do we skip the celebratory BBQ to stay home and finish it, or go and then spend the evening in a panic to get it done?
• Receiving something by mail that wasn't as described, and then having the seller say, not in so many words, "Tough."
• Wasting so much time trying to adjust the tension on your piece-of-junk sewing apparatus that you could've sewn the whole stupid project by hand by the time you gave up
• Having my son describe the new emergency drills at school, which consist of finding places in the classroom to hide from the shooters

If I felt comfortable discussing my job, this would be a much longer list!

Ah, Spring

Today's tulips.